We headed down to Texas for an exciting weekend of football and relaxation when I was 8 weeks pregnant. The fluid that had filled my abdomen, making me miserable for weeks, was finally gone. I now was at risk for blood clots and had to be on Lovenox shots every 12 hours for the rest of my pregnancy. I had also been told that because of the pulmonary embolism, I wouldn't be a candidate for any type of hormone therapy for the rest of my life. I definitely couldn't go through IVF again. So the baby I was carrying was it for us. But I had always wanted a family of 4, and now we would have it.
We stopped every 30 minutes to get out of the car and walk around on our drive down. I felt good. I had spent over a week in the hospital for my pulmonary embolism, and I was so glad to be out in the world again. I was like a prisoner who had been freed.
We got to our hotel and checked in. We were notified that a lavish suite was available and we graciously accepted. The room was incredible. For almost 2 weeks my husband and I had slept in a tiny hospital room. Me in my hospital bed and he on a pull-out couch next to me. I had barely eaten due to the nausea from the ascites, but when I did, it had been your typical hospital food. Now we had a luxurious king size bed, a giant flat screen tv and room service.
We went to dinner and watched as the Oklahoma football team arrived. Excitement filled the room. People cheered and snapped pictures. I noticed as I watched this scene, that I began having minor cramping. By the time we retired to our room, I was only able to take a handful of steps at a time. Doug was concerned and offered to carry me up to our room. I declined and assured him that I would be fine once I got into the giant bed that awaited.
By the time I was in the room laying down, I felt fine. The cramping had ceased. We decided to stay in for the night and watch a movie, then fell asleep soon after. I woke in the night with cramps more severe than those I had at dinner. All I could think about was the "M" word. Miscarriage. It wasn't the pain that kept me up that night, but the worrying. I told Doug the next morning and he asked if I wanted him to sell the tickets to the football game. I told him that I would be fine, as the cramping had stopped, yet again. I got out of bed to get ready, and the cramping commenced, followed by nausea. Doug told me he was going to go to the stadium and sell the tickets and we would watch the game from our room. The only problem was, I needed him to administer the Lovenox. We had done at least a hundred shots so far, starting with the hormone therapy, and Doug had done them all for me. I had tried to do a few myself when I was in the hospital but I couldn't make myself follow through. I decided I would ride with Doug as he went to sell the tickets, so that he could give me my injection.
On the way there, I started feeling better. No cramping. No nausea. I was going through an emotional ping- pong, trying to decide whether or not I should try to go to the game. It wasn't that the pain of the cramping was that bad, it was the thought of a miscarriage. Every time that cramping would start, my heart would sink and I could no longer think about anything but my little tiny baby.
We looked for a place to park the car and Doug did my shot. He got out to sell the tickets, and I told him I felt good enough to walk with him. We got to the street corner and I felt fine. I told Doug I wanted to go to the game. After all, I could always sit down if I needed to. Doug hesitantly agreed to this.
It wasn't until we were inside the stadium looking for our seats, that the cramping began again. We sat down. I was panicking. The cramping was much worse. I was sweating and nauseous. I looked at all the people around us. All smiling, happy and excited. The only thing these people were worrying about was who would win the game. I wanted to be one of those people. I didn't want to be sitting there thinking I was about to lose my baby.
I almost didn't realize the game had started. I stayed seated at kickoff. My husband told me we needed to just leave. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to be sitting in a hotel room with all these thoughts. I wanted to be one of these people who only cared about football. Oklahoma made a touchdown and half the stadium went wild. I stayed seated. Doug looked over at me. "We're leaving," he said. "We can't stay here." I didn't even fight him. I just got up and walked out of the stadium with him behind me. Doug pulled the car around and picked me up and took me back to the hotel. As we made our way back home, I wondered what laid on the road ahead.
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