Big Fat Positive

I was scheduled to go in for my blood test at the fertility clinic on a Wednesday. We were told not to use home tests prior to coming in, but I knew I wouldn't be able to wait. So starting at only 4 days past my transfer, I took a home test. I prayed that it would be positive so I could finally relax. So my brain could stop going a million miles an hour thinking about how I would be able to handle another cycle of IVF. The test was negative. I tried to tell myself that it was still very early. I scoured online message boards looking for stories from women who had first gotten a negative home test, but later gotten the coveted positive test. I found plenty and was able to quiet my mind.

The next day I took a test again. Negative. I felt nauseous. My knees felt weak. I wanted so bad to see a positive. I wanted to be able to call all my family and friends. To shout it from the roof tops. I felt as if that day may never come for me. Maybe the positive pregnancy test I had with Meredith would be my last. I tried to be thankful that I was blessed with a happy, healthy , beautiful daughter. But I wanted her to have a sibling. My family didn't feel complete yet. My whole life I had always wanted two kids. Maybe tomorrow would be my day, I thought.

The next two days were rough. Each morning I woke up and grabbed my cup and my home test and I took the test I had taken a hundred times before. I got the same result I had gotten a hundred times before. Negative. I didn't feel pregnant either. I cried and I cried hard. I told Doug I didn't think I could go through IVF again. I didn't want to see another negative pregnancy test again. I didn't want to go through two weeks of waiting ever again. I felt that my dream of having another baby was just that. A dream.

I opened my eyes the next morning and I felt bloated. I felt hope. I had read in the last week that bloating associated with Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome is worsened by the pregnancy hormone. I hurried to the bathroom and took my test. I waited. My hands were shaking as I picked up the test and I saw something I hadn't seen in almost 5 years. A positive! I blinked and strained my eyes to make sure I was seeing it correctly. I ran in the bedroom to show Doug. He smiled. We had discussed how we would handle a positive test, if that day did ever come. We had come to the agreement that we should wait until I was toward the end of my first trimester to tell all the family and friends. We would only tell our parents and Meredith. But before any of that, I had to go in to have my blood test at the fertility clinic to confirm my pregnancy. That test was scheduled for the following day. As the day went on, I went from feeling bloated, to a strange feeling of fullness I had never felt before.

When I woke up the next day, I stepped on the scale. I was up 7 pounds from my normal weight. I couldn't wear my jeans that I had worn just 2 days before. I felt nauseous and my right calf was hurting. I told Doug about my symptoms and that I was sure that I had a mild case of OHSS. He told me to bring it up when I went in to have my blood test that day.

One of the first things the receptionist asked when I walked in was, "Did you cheat?" I smiled and answered, "Yep." They led me back to the area where they would do my blood test. While she was drawing my blood, I mentioned the weight gain and calf pain. She went and got Dr. R and let him know the situation. He took me into a room and asked me some questions. He examined my stomach and felt my calf. He asked about my weight gain. He told me to start taking low dose aspirin and let him know if I continued to gain weight at such a significant rate. He told me that the pregnancy hormone could worsen the OHSS and that I needed to continue to drink plenty of fluids. As he led me out of the exam room, I asked him, "Can I give you a hug?" He laughed. "Of course!" He said. I told him thank you and I headed home. The nurse would be calling me later that day with the results of my blood test. But I already knew the answer. I was pregnant.