IVF

Our first appointment with Dr. R went really well. I really liked his nurse Beverly and when he took us into his office it was very different than our visit with the last Reproductive Endocrinologist. He led Meredith to a small table with crayons and gave her a piece of paper, so that she could draw him a picture to put on his door. When he addressed Doug and I, he was very kind and I could tell right away that I would enjoy having him as my doctor. He explained the whole process of IVF and told us that the first step was a class that we needed to attend. He also told me that he would like to transfer 2 embryos, so that I would have a better chance of conception. We asked when the first available class was, and he told us that they actually had one in a few hours. We called to make arrangements for a babysitter for Meredith, and we signed up.

At the class they walked us through IVF, step by step. They had a slide show and we all got a folder with all kinds of paperwork. They went over possible complications of IVF, one of them being OHSS. Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. It sounded pretty terrible, but they assured us that, in the event that it did happen, most cases are pretty mild. We were also given a sheet of paper to write down our name, estimated date of menstrual cycle and when we might want to start IVF. I remember writing in bold letters: ASAP! In the next month, we were calling our insurance, setting up the delivery of my medications, doing blood tests, a semen screen test, oral contraceptives, antibiotics and getting placed on the calendar for my egg retrieval. I was excited and nervous.

During this time, Meredith was starting pre-school, and Doug's dad was battling colon cancer. We had a full schedule, which kept my mind off of the negatives associated with IVF.

Doug's dad passed away the week I was scheduled to begin my Lupron injections. The first shot was in a hotel room in Salt Lake City, the day before the funeral. It was sad to think our baby would never get to meet his or her grandpa.

I continued my daily Lupron injections and soon it was time for my ultrasounds to see how my body was reacting to the medication. Everything was going perfectly. Dr. R was very pleased and I added a daily Repronex shot. I couldn't believe that we were so close to being finished with this IVF cycle. The next thing I knew, it was time for my trigger shot. It was pretty painful, but it also meant I was that much closer to the end. It also meant I got to do my last Lupron injection.

Just two days after that, was my egg retrieval. I was put under general anesthesia, and when I woke up, Dr. R informed me that they had gotten 10 eggs. He also told me to drink plenty of fluids and to be watching for signs of OHSS. I was having some pretty intense cramping so they gave me some pain medication and then I got to go home shortly after. That night I would begin daily intramuscular Progesterone shots.

The day after my retrieval, they called with an update on my precious little "babies". Only 7 eggs were mature and were used. They did ICSI on all 7 of those, but only 5 fertilized. The next day, I had five 4 cells. The embryologist said they were "beautiful". I called and excitedly relayed the information to both my mom and Doug's mom.

The next time I heard from the embryologist, she let me know I had one 10 cell and four 8 cells. She also told me she wouldn't be contacting me the next day, which was Sunday, but that I would hear from her Monday morning. My embryo transfer was going to be Monday afternoon. Around this time I had started to feel bloated and I could tell I had some of the signs of mild OHSS.

When the embryologist called on Monday, she told me I had 2 blastocysts. Only 2 had survived. I tried not to get stressed, but I worried what would happen if this cycle failed. I wouldn't have anything frozen and I'd have to go through all those shots again. I was relieved that the bloating had subsided. I went in for my transfer at 1:45 that day. I remember when the process was over, I thought, "I don't feel pregnant at all." I went home and was on bed rest. I didn't even want to get up to go to the bathroom, because I didn't want to loose those little tiny babies we'd worked so hard for.

Three days after my transfer, I had to go back in to the fertility clinic for a progesterone check. I was a wreck. I wanted so badly to be going into that clinic to have my blood work done for my pregnancy test. I felt I couldn't wait six more days to know. Every day was an eternity. I was trying so hard not to cry when the nurse took my blood. I think I almost made it to the elevator before I couldn't hold back the ocean of tears anymore. Doug asked me what was wrong. Everything. Everything was wrong. None of this was in my plan of creating a family. I was tired of shots. I was tired of negative pregnancy tests. I didn't know how I'd survive another negative. By the time we got to the car, I was full blown sobbing.

I told Doug, "I just wish I had a sign. That God would give me a sign and let me know if I'm pregnant or not, because I don't know how I can survive the next six days not knowing."

Doug replied, "There's your sign."

He pointed forward.

Right in front of us at the stoplight was a car with a BABY ON BOARD sign.